Wow. Can this honestly be happening to me again? What is so wrong with me? Obviously I'm not good enough for anyone. I want to fucking scream. I feel like crying even though that's something I NEVER do. I feel so absolutly DISGUSTING right now it's ridiculous. I hate that someone can make me feel this way. And this isn't the first time, it's happened three times this year. I hate that someone can make me feel worthless, like I'll never ever be good enough for anyone and I should just be alone for the rest of my life. It isn't fair, what's so great about them and what's so bad about me? Am I cursed? I really think I am. I'm not allowed to date anyone but as soon as they become interested in me they meet someone else, someone else who is prettier, funnier, smarter, just all around better. Then they forget all about Ivy. It's like a game, who can hurt Ivy the most! It must be a fun game because everyone seems to be playing it lately. Ugh I really feel like screaming as loud as I possibly can, but what good is that going to do? Hmmm I think my neighbors might be pretty concerned because I'm interupting their perfect little lives, but other then that no one would care. I guess I just have to stop letting this happen to me. No more meeting boys, no more talking to boys who could possibly be interested in me because it never goes the way I want it to, no more boys. Period. But how well could that possibly go? I don't think I could do that. I crave attention. I need a boy. I hate saying that. It makes me feel so weak and dependent which is something I also promised myself I couldn't be. But I guess it's just been so long since I've actually had a boy that liked me and didn't ditch me for "the better girl" before things got anywhere. I always tell people "oh it's no big deal Ivy doesn't need a boyfriend" but right now that sounds pretty good. I don't even think it needs to be somebody all that great, just somebody that would like me for who I am, and not leave me for someone who is obviously prettier, funnier, smarter, ot just plain better then me. I want someone to love me who isn't afraid to tell people they're dating me. Who isn't afraid to take me out in public. who wants me to meet their family. Who thinks I'm perfect the I am, and I don't need to change no matter what. Someone who WANTS to tell people about me. Someone to love me, someone I can call my own. Maybe I should just get a dog, since all of that seems so unattainable. No boy will ever treat me like that. A dog would love me no matter what, and a dog would love me just as I am and wouldn't think I needed to change anything. The dog wouldn't be able to find anyone better then me. So yea, I guess a dog sounds better at this point.