Shopping with my girls was just what I needed to calm down after such a crazy weekend. But these crazy loud girls standing next to me are going to have to shut the hell up or i'm going to go crazy. It's not necessary to be this freaking loud.

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Dad and i are much better, thank goodness. We apologized to eachother and now we're going out to walmart.

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I have to say I have never ever ever hated anoyone more then that stupid bitch my parents call my little sister. She is fucking crazy. Today I was trying to wash her hair because it's so fucking disgusting and greasy. I was trying to do something nice for once. We didn't have to time to give her a bath though so I put her in the tub and told her to bend over so that I could get her hair wet. She started screaming at me two seconds after I got her hair wet that her legs hurt an that she couldn't bend over like that. Then my dad comes running out of his room freaking out because she's screaming and yelling at me that they need to go and she doesn't have time to get her hair washed. Well at this point I had already put soap in her hair and she was still screaming that she hated me. I ran out of the bathroom screaming at my dad because she was screaming and I can't stand her when she acts like that. So my dad is screaming that he needs to leave, she's screaming because she's a bitch, and I'm screaming because I can't stand her. So I walked in the bathroom, took a cup of water and just poured it on her head to get out all the soap. Her clothes got all wet and she screamed even more but I didn't care anymore. I dried her hair off and just said here you fucking go dad, a dirty, bitchy, psycho, child. So I left, went to my room, she screamed for another twenty minutes. Then my dad went downstairs to leave and she went with him. So now my dad is mad at me, my sister is just as bitchy as she always is, and I'm stuck at home with nothing to do because all of my friends are busy. I fucking hate my life right now. I really think that if my little sister were to drop off the face of the earth I really would not care, I hate her that much. And so does the rest of my family. My mom, dad and brother all hate her. And they admit to hating her, it's not just like a look they give her that's like uggh i hate you right now, it's like they've told me they fucking hate her because she's a crazy bitch. I hate her I hate her I hate her I hate her I hate her. So now my dad is going to be late to see my aunt and she's going to ask why. When he tells her why it's going to be my fault and that I'm crazy. Yay.

excitement

Just found out i can blog from my phone, i love apps!

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So this Christmas has to have been the worst of all time. Not because I'm a brat and didnt get all five million things that I wanted, or because I'm a self absorbed little bitch that didn't get to tell all of her best friends exactly what she got so that they could all be super jealous and wish they were her. Jake came and spent the night Christmas Eve, which was alright because he had done it last year and I wasn't to overwhelmed. But he spent the night again. Instead of him going home on Christmas day like he did last year my dad decided that it would be better if he just spent the night again so he could go to my aunts with us the next day. Well as soon as we got there he was being weird and wouldn't talk to anyone and kept staring at the floor and pretending like he didn't hear anyone when they were talking to him. So of course my dad yelled at him for that. Then we were playing rob your neighbor and he wasn't playing aand knew that no one was paying attention to him. He snuck upstairs and ate everything he could. He ate two cinnamon roles, two cookies, two handfuls of m&ms and a ton of cheese, but that's all we know about so he could have had a bunch more. By the time my dad realized he was doing this his blood sugar was at four hundred and something when it's supposed to be at around one twenty. So of course my dad yelled at him for that, that's fucking bullshit, he knows how dangerous that is. So he told my dad that he hated stupid Jesus and stupid freaking God, knowing my dad would flip. So my dad took him into another room and yelled at him for about twenty minutes. That wasn't enough for him though, he hadn't acted quite shitty enough. So he went downstairs and started shooting his stupid gun at peoples heads. He hit my cousins girlfriend in the head twice. She's hasn't been to a lot of family things so she doesn't really know much about our family and I'm sure she was embaressed. My cousin Lauren saw him do it and of course she yelled at him because he was being mean to the her and she's really a sweet girl. So she made him apologize, I apologized to my cousin, and then my dad made him apologize to her again. It was so fucking crazy. I just wanted to get out of my aunts house and home. I really never want to see Jake again. I don't care how terrible that sounds, I hate him. He ruined my childhood, and that's not an exaggeration. Our lives are just so normal without him and I hate that he ruins everything by being to loud, pissing off my parents, and making everyone angry. My dad told me he never wants to bring him to another family thing again, or at least not for awhile and I don't have a problem with that.

And that was just today. Yesterday my friend decided she was going to act like a six year old and try to compete with me and show me that she got better presents then I did. I really didn't fucking care. She texted me and said "just thought I'd text you from my brand new droid phone" Fucking congratulations, I don't care. Then she thought she would text me and tell me all the awesome shit that she got. "I got TOMS, a Vera Bradley bag, and my new phone (the brand new droid" Obviously I don't fucking care if I didn't respond to your first text. The only reason you got that shit is because your parents are getting a divorce and they feel bad! You got that shit from your them because your mom is trying to bribe you into living with her and your dad is trying to keep you. I'm so fucking glad that your parents are trying to buy your love. My parents arn't doing so hot right now and unfortunetly they can't afford to buy my love so all the stuff I got can't possibly be as cool as the stuff you got. Whatever you fucking bitch. My neighbors cam over later that day (two are in seventh grade and one is fifth grade) and they were competing with eachother about who had gotten the best present. They were seriously like "You got the xbox 360, well I got brand new real Ugg boots!" My friend was acting as crazy as those stupiud girls. Sometimes I really want to beat the shit out of her. How the hell am I supposed to react to this kind of behavior?

Goodness gracious. I'm so busy I never have time to blog anymore. Not that I did it much anyway. I can't wait untill next semester when I never have to do anything. Now I'm off to Calvin's choir concert.

why does everyone like you more?

hate my life. hate my life. hate my life. how can i manage to be in a group of four people and still be all alone with you... no one ever knows im around when im with you...

Ughhhhh. Today just really sucks... I had to get up super early so I could go to work, then there's the fact that i have bronchitis and have to use my inhalers (yes there's more then one, arn't I lucky) all the time. Work was terrible, it's tax free weekend (unless you work at justice then it's a tax reduction weekend because our company is stupid) I only worked four hours but it felt like forever. My morning customers are just as sweet as can be asking me for help and saything thank you when I help them. But then at noon my afternoon customers show up and they're terrible. When you walk in I'm required to greet you and tell you about how the entire store is fourty percent off and then that it's tax "reduction" weekend so you can find some really great deals around the store well my afternoon customers just walk right by without even looking at me or yell at me to leave them alone. Then when they need something from a hook thats higher up they look up and see the fifty signs we have posted around telling people that the store is fourty percent off and then they yell at me because I didn't tell them about the sale and about how I'm a terrible salesperson. It's just freaking great, I really love that part of my job. There's some really crazy people that come to shop at my store... and then there's the really sweet customers who really make it all worth it. There's one lady that comes in all the time and she's just so sweet and she always says please and thank you and actually treats the teenagers with respect, unlike most of the customers, and she treats us like human beings instead of slaves. You'd be surprised how many customers think that because I work in retail I'm not a human being and that I HAVE to do everything they say, no please or thank you required. Ugh I hate those people, and don't think that people who work in retail don't do shitty things to you. I had one customer at christmas who was yelling at me about how slow and stupid I was and how she was in a hurry, she bought like three or four bags of stuff. I left one little sensor on one little sweater at the bottom of one of those bags... So she beeped at the door and the front person had to dig through all three bags just to find that one little sweater, wasting at least five minutes. Salespeople do that on purpse if you're rude, well at least the ones who are sick of being treated like shit. :D Oh well I guess I'm done with my little rant about people who suck. Alright back to why my day sucks :) After work on my way home I notice my car is making a weird noise, so of course I'm like whoohoo something else wrong with this piece of shit. So I text my dad and he gets me an appointment at his cousins shop for monday. I work everyday this weekend, and I need my car. I can't drive it though. And then tuesday I have to work from eleven to three and I might have a hair appointment at three fourty five. I don't know though because my cousin might not be back in missouri so if I don't get my haircut I get to have shitty hair for the first day of school. Yay. I thought I was going to be able to just get off work and drive as fast as possible over to my hair appointment which is actually just about fourty five minutes away from my work. I can't drive there though. My mother, who is late for EVERYTHING, has to pick me up. She's going to pick me up at like three twenty. So we're going to be late for my hair appointment, which is going to take at least three hours. And then after it's over I get to wait half an hour in the lobby for my mother to get there to pick me up. And she'll be late for that too. It's going to be fucking great, I'm really looking forward to it.

Wow. Can this honestly be happening to me again? What is so wrong with me? Obviously I'm not good enough for anyone. I want to fucking scream. I feel like crying even though that's something I NEVER do. I feel so absolutly DISGUSTING right now it's ridiculous. I hate that someone can make me feel this way. And this isn't the first time, it's happened three times this year. I hate that someone can make me feel worthless, like I'll never ever be good enough for anyone and I should just be alone for the rest of my life. It isn't fair, what's so great about them and what's so bad about me? Am I cursed? I really think I am. I'm not allowed to date anyone but as soon as they become interested in me they meet someone else, someone else who is prettier, funnier, smarter, just all around better. Then they forget all about Ivy. It's like a game, who can hurt Ivy the most! It must be a fun game because everyone seems to be playing it lately. Ugh I really feel like screaming as loud as I possibly can, but what good is that going to do? Hmmm I think my neighbors might be pretty concerned because I'm interupting their perfect little lives, but other then that no one would care. I guess I just have to stop letting this happen to me. No more meeting boys, no more talking to boys who could possibly be interested in me because it never goes the way I want it to, no more boys. Period. But how well could that possibly go? I don't think I could do that. I crave attention. I need a boy. I hate saying that. It makes me feel so weak and dependent which is something I also promised myself I couldn't be. But I guess it's just been so long since I've actually had a boy that liked me and didn't ditch me for "the better girl" before things got anywhere. I always tell people "oh it's no big deal Ivy doesn't need a boyfriend" but right now that sounds pretty good. I don't even think it needs to be somebody all that great, just somebody that would like me for who I am, and not leave me for someone who is obviously prettier, funnier, smarter, ot just plain better then me. I want someone to love me who isn't afraid to tell people they're dating me. Who isn't afraid to take me out in public. who wants me to meet their family. Who thinks I'm perfect the I am, and I don't need to change no matter what. Someone who WANTS to tell people about me. Someone to love me, someone I can call my own. Maybe I should just get a dog, since all of that seems so unattainable. No boy will ever treat me like that. A dog would love me no matter what, and a dog would love me just as I am and wouldn't think I needed to change anything. The dog wouldn't be able to find anyone better then me. So yea, I guess a dog sounds better at this point.

So right now I can't decide if my life is fantastic or terrible. I guess it just changes everyday. Somedays I'm as happy as can be but it seems like these days are usually when I'm with my friends. I think I'm just scared of being alone. I know this doesn't amke sense because I spend most of my life alone in my room watching some tv show. But I hate it, I think about it while I'm up there and can't figure out why I spend so much time alone. I really don't know. I guess because when I'm alone I can really think about thigs, but I really don't like thinking. I learn things about myself, things I don't like. Maybe I should just stop thinking, if I did that then maybe I wouldn't have these long boring posts, I could talk about how cool I was, or how much fun I had doing something completely pointless that day... Oh well. I think I'm pretty cool anyway. Sometimes.

Wow, it's been quite some time since I've posted anything. I was sitting in my living room watching ncis and some bitch said something about a blog reminding me how much I missed mine. So the last couple days I've had the flu, gross I know. I'm feeling much better now though. I also found my new favorite show :] It's called The Burried Life. It's quite amazing. It really makes me think about things I want to do before I die. They all seem so pointless though... Oh well... Goodness gracious my best friend Jason is making chocolate chip cookies and he got flour everywhere. :] Goofball. I love him though. Alright well bones is on and I have nothing to write about so I'm off. Peace.

Oh goodness gracious. It's been quite some time since I've posted anything. Let's see what's new... we oficially sold my car and she's gone forever, I hate my job more then ever and I've been getting applications to any place that will even think about hiring me. Yea... other then that I guess life's the same. I'm pretty boring... oh well I don't need an exciting life, I get tired to easily and being exciting all the time could get very boring. :] Alright well tomorrow is my mother's birthday so I have to go get her a present or something to make a present out of.

Yay, another snow day!! I get to go romping in the snow with my best friend Tom and his stepbrother Paul! I'm so very excited. I haven't romped in the snow for quite some time. I mean I am a teenager...how many teenagers romp in the snow these day?!

Oh my goodness :] I had a fantastic day today. We had a snowday so I didn't have to wake up at 5:30 which was tremendous :] I also got to hang out with my bean. :] I had to walk to her house though. We were supposed to meet eachother but I took the shortcut because I thought she would and then she didn't take the shortcut because she didn't think I would. So we ended up getting to eachothers house without seeing eachother... So I had to walk halfway back to my house and meet her. Other then that we had a very good time. :] She did my hair and it's quite cute. We had a fantastic time looking up silly thinkgs on the internet, which is a favorite pastime of ours. First it was cyanide and happiness on explosm.net and now it's my drunk texts :] I can't decide which one is better. I think just spending time with my bean is the best. I miss her.