They say what you do on new years you do all year long... so does this mean I'll be sitting by myself in a room full of people texting people I don't care about

Kill me? Please?

Oh I miss blogging, I never have enough time anymore though. I'm just going to have make time I suppose... Oh well, I actually talked about my feelings, or lackthereof yesterday. It was quite interesting. I never really realized that I was preventing myself from having feelings, but I am. If I don't share my feelings with anyone then no one can hurt them. I think it's a pretty good plan, but other people don't seem to think so. They seem to think "I'm going to miss out on importnant things in life" I really don't care though, I'm not going to get hurt again. It's not fun and I don't enjoy un-fun things. Tra la la tomorrow is thanksgiving. (: I suppose I should say what I'm thankful for, but I'm thankful for but there are so many things I'm thankkfun for I don't think I could even write them all down.

Friday the thirteenth, no wonder I'm having such a bad day.

Oh goodness I had the worst day at work ever. I cried for the first time in months. According to one of my managers I couldn't do anything right. I was talking to much and not working enough (even though I was working, you can even ask one of the girls I was working with) , I wasn't sizing the shirts right (I wasn't aware there was an incorrect way to do it) , I'm just an all around bead employee ( I have nothing to say about that because I don't think I'm bad but I really could be...) Oh well I guess I'm just going to have to get over it because she's not going to change. Apparently she's crazy and has to be in control all the time and I'm just going to have to be okay with that. I'm not sure how exactly but it'll happen.
I hate that she can make me cry though. It's not okay, if she can make me cry that means she can control me and I don't like that. I enjoy being a "free and independent young woman" hahaha. Yea right. What sixteen year old girl is free and independent? I really hate being a girl. It's so difficult. Being a boy can't be much better though...right? I wish I could have a chance to see what it's like to be a boy, maybe just for a weekend. Something more then a day because I'm sure you can't get the full male experience in one day. I'm sure I'd still be a shy little bitch though....

Lunch with Sophia today. Hopefully I can make her feel a smidge better.
Then I have to go to work. Which will suck, oh well.

Oh my goodness what a boring week I've had. I had to work Friday night and Saturday morning. That wasn't so bad. Then I spent Halloween with my best friend and her newest boy toy. Sunday I was busy doing two different projects and a bunch of other homework so I didn't go to church or youth group. I was also supposed to work but a sweet girl at work said she would take my hours for me so I could do my projects. But then since I didn't got to church or youth group I got grounded...Cool right? Oh well. Monday was super boring. Nothing cool ever happens on Mondays though so I was expecting much. The same goes for Tuesday and then today. Tomorrow is a half day though, and then I don't have school on Friday, thank goodness. (: I'm so sick of school. It's all quite boring, except for anatomy. That class is just difficult. Oh well that just means I have to try harder. (:

Oh my goodness the last few days have been so boring. So I don't really have anything to write...

FUCK.
MY.
LIFE.

So work sucked.
End of story.

I'm making brownies for my friend Jake, and "doing my homework." I really want some pie, mom made some for her and daddy's anniversary. It's on tuesday...I wonder if she thinks the pie will last that long...I know for a fact it won't because I'm going to eat half of it tomorrow for breakfast. (:

Goodness gracious iCarly is on again. I really am starting to hate that show. Not as much as I hate this one song be play at work. It's terrible. Oh well, I have to go finish my homework and then take a shower.

I have to work today. ):
Oh well Ivy needs to make some money and this seems to be the most promising way to do just that. (: And it's not like it's really all that hard. Alright well I have to go get ready.

Ivy...
can't decide on anything
wishes she was 5 again
is lonely
likes going to the park
is anti-social
has never been on a real date
wishes she had more friends that she could actually count on
likes playing on the swings
doesn't like being single, there's to much pressure to look your best
loves to read
hates being in a large group
loves sharing random information like this
doesn't like being the center of attention
loves shopping for new clothes
wishes she could act more like herself in front of people who arn't her closest friends
needs to expand her horizons
wishes she wasn't embaressed about who her actual self is
wishes she could meet some new people
likes the color orange
isn't creative at all
doesn't like herself
has decided she doesn't "hate" anyone, even though people might really annoy her
decided that's all she wants to share right now.

Today was tons of fun (: I spent the night at Natalie Bakers house last night and I haven't seen her for like three months so it was nice to see her. Then this morning she made me some chocolate chip pancakes and they were very yummy. Then we got all gussied up and went to the mal. I got some new socks. They"re pretty freaking adorable. They're black knee socks and one pair has two hot pink stripes at the top and then the other pair has teal stripes. I don't really need them but they're really cute (: I'm sure I'll find some use for them.

Hmmm I really need an idea what I'm going to be for Halloween. I feel so lame because I'm not dressing up, but I'm not going to be something skanky and I can't think of anything. I guess I'll just be "a lame kid that doesn't have a costume." Sounds fine to me.

Oh goodness, the last few days have been amazing. (: "I challenge you to a tasty-o duel." I've been actually happy and giggling, it's quite strange but I'm certainly not complaining. (: Today was a half day and so after school Jessi, Eric, Michael, Andrew and I went to bread co, taco bell, smoothie king, schucks, payless, and target! It was pretty much amazing, and I don't have school tomorrow. I might even get to see my Nannie Jean. I miss her, I haven't seen her since my birthday in July. That's much to long. I really hope she can hang out, it would be fantastic. (: Oh well mother is going to parent teacher confrences so I have to babysit.

Today was so fantastic. (: I don't even know why, my classes were all boring and icky but for some reason my day was incredible. Maybe it was the curly fries at lunch... probably not but it seems like the most logical explanation. I don't have to work at all this week either, so the muct have contributed to my day not being suckish. I got little tiny cheesecakes when I got home too! I forgot about that part, I'm not sure how I forgot about such a splendid part of my day but I did. I'm sorry Mr. Tiny Cheesecakes, I didn't mean to forget you I promise it won't happen ever again. (: I think he's still mad at me, he's still got his "angry eyes" on. Oh well he'll just have to get over himself. Alright well I should probably be studying for anatomy, i actually want to pass that class with a grade higher then an 81.6% (:

WHOOOOHOOOOOOOO! I remembered my password! (: Lots and lots has changed, I just don't feel like going in detail. I'm once again on the hunt for a man!! Whoooo. I also have a job! Crazy right. My lazy ass working? WTF! Body snatched. (:Alright well I'm going to look around for a bit and then I'll be back to rant (:

I really don't enjoy babysitting Elsa. She's quite mean to me. And I'm always scared she's going to die or something... Oh well. It's only another hour or so. Then I can do whatever I want. Maybe mom will actually pay me.... (: Now would't that be exciting (:

Happy birthday natalie! I love you.

My family is absolutly terrifying! They have such strange stories. They're awkward and drunk and frightening

Unca skip told him I thought he was dreamy.

I'm at the coolest wedding ever. It's really ghetto but that's what makes it so fun! I have a hot cousin who's here. I just met him for the first time.

AGH BOREDOM!. I have to go to a wedding in Wisconisin this weekend. I'm not very excited. But whatever

Chatting with Heather and Mommy. :) Enjoying myself.

We're finally on our way home and I'm the happiest I've been in a while... Coincidence?

Whoooo. Boat rides are fun. (: I was just on a boat ride with a man also known as Captain Kyle. (: He told us all interesting storiesabout Russians that eat billy goats and sharks. It was dad's birthday so we had to do wheatever he wanted. I'm not saying that's a bad thing. I really want him to be happy, and I had a good time too. After our boat ride we went to this cool restaurant where I ate...OYESTERS! It was gross. They were baked but it was still disgusting. There shrimp and crab legs were delicious. I also tried gumbo for the first time. That was amazing. Now we're going to the beach to roast marshmallows. Ew. I don't think I hate anything more then marshmallows...except maybe hot chocolate. Ugh alright well I'm going to gooooooo. Super Ivy away! *as she heroically flies off into the sunset.

Im currently on a boat and its quite enjoyable. Captain kyle is entertaining me with stories of russians and billy goats. :) Its super fun. :)

I WANT TO GO HOME!!

FLorida isn't so great right now. I just want to get the hell away from my family. They're driving me crazy. I really want to talk to people outside of my family right now but I'm not getting cell phone service inside th house and no one is on facebook. I just want to go home and it's only the third day. This is really bad. The drive home shouldn't be as bad as the drive here though. We'll all be excited to get home. Well at least I know I'll be excited. I think everyone Elsa will be sad. I just want to get home. To sleep in my own bed. To talk to sane people. To see my boyfriend. To actually be able to text people. I mean I really enjoy spending time with my family but it's just to much right now. The getting tan thing is pretty cool too. But I'm not getting very tan, that's okay thought because unlike most American teenage girls I actually don't mind being pale, I actually prefer it. I don't enjoy looking like everyone else, or getting skin cancer for that matter. Pale is way better then tan. Although I do get more freckles in the sun which I do love. They're like the only thing on my face I actually lile. (: So if me being in the sun getting tan means I get more freckles I don't really mind getting a tan. Ugh. My parents want to go to the beach tonight so we can make a fire thing and roast marshallows. Sounds super fun right. No. I hate marshmallows and right now I really don't like spending time with my family. I've done to much of it in the last 4 days. And I have 5 days left. Lets just hope I don't end up stabing myself with forks like I keep telling Jacob I'm going to do. And lets hope I get cell phone service soon so I can talk to him and he can keep me sane. Because my family is doing a pretty good job of making me crazy. If that wasn't already evident in the begining of my rant.

Wow it's been a long time sice I've been on here. I'm currently sitting on Calvin and Elsa's bedroom floor in the rental house. I'm in Florida on vacation with my family. It's kind weird without Jake. Not saying I don't enjoy it, it's just different. I don't get much cell phone service, it kinda sucks. I actually have to go outside to the back deck and sit in the sun. It's not so fun but I get to text my boyfriend and get a tan at the same time. Which is alright with me. Okay well I think I'm going to talk to my dad and see if we can go to the bay so I can work on my tan some more. Imagine, ME. TAN! A foreign concept for everyone including myself. (:

Happy about everything right now. There isn't anything bad in my life, which is something that hasn't happened in a long time. My boyfriend is incredible, as usual. My mom and I are getting along. Calvin and I are actually hanging out. My parents are favoring Calvin and Elsa less. We actually went out and had a nice family dinner last night. It was insane. I really felt like someone should be knocking something over, yelling, or falling out of their chair because that's what usally happens to us when we go out to eat. School is almost over. I'm passing all of my classes, none of the finals are to hard. No one is mad at me or hates me. (: Yay. I'm actually driving now. And I'm going to see the movie Up tomorrow. I'm so freaking excited. I haven't been this excited about anything since the last time Jakey came over (: Hehehe. I'm a goober.

Today Elsa and I were talking and then she looked at my mom who had just asked me who Jacob was and she said "Ivy and Jacob are falling on love arn't they." It was so cute, my mommy asked me if I had told her to say that and of course I hadn't. It was cute. I chuckled. Hah I just got Elsa to try to lick her butt. The cat was sitting on the front porch and she was laughing at him because he was licking his butt. So I asked her to try and she actually did. (:

Alright well I'm off to study for my finals. Wish me luck.

Agh boredom is taking over, I was supposed to go to my friend Caleighs today but I really don't want to. I really need to go to Walgreens to pick up my prescription...I think I'll wait untill it stops rainging so I can drive since I don't really want to drive in the rain. I get to hang out with my bestie Jessi Rosa tomorrow. I'm super duper excited. Her and zach are fighting though so I'm pretty sure that's all we're going to be talking about on our girlie little date. Oh well I'm here to help most people with their problems. I'm to caring sometimes, I'm like a freaking mother. It's fantastic. Okay well I think it's actually done rainging so I'm going to get my meds!

Yay! I get to hang out with Miss Bridget today. (: And Old Navy had a delightful sale. There were 1$ flippy floppies! It was great. And I got a very very cute purply shirt. Janie Burkemper also happened to be there witch was amazing. (: I haven't seen her since that hick party like six months ago. I'm just sad my bf isn't here. I really do hate that he plays soccer. Not because I'm evil and I hate anything that makes him happy. It's just that I hate that I never get to see him because of it. Oh well. I'm going to go talk to my mom about tonight. Peace.

Ugh I had to give my speech today. It wasn't bad, I didn't get nervous or anything I just really didn't want to do it. But I was happy all day because my little boyfriend is coming over today. (: I don't get to see him all weekend because he has a soccer tournament. (Isn't that crazy! How did someone as lazy as me get a jock!) So we're just going to hang out today. I think we're going to get ice cream. I really hope so because that sounds really good right now. I don't know what else we're going to do though... going to the park sounds nice, since it's so delightful outside. Hmm I'll suggest it. Alright well I'm off to do important things. (:

I love Sophia

Well Saturday was amazing. My best guy friend in the entire world turned 18, and he came to visit me. I haven't seen him in a year, and that's a really really really long time. Jacob was over but being the incredible boyfriend he is he put up with my excitedness. He also came to the mall with us. He puts up with my goofiness, annoyingness, weirdness, sadness, and everything. He's to good to me. Any other boy would realize I was a freak and not worth there time and leave me. Not him though. He's great. Well anyway back to my story. So being incredible he came to the mall with us. Then we left early and went to Sophia's house for her birthday party. (: It was very very fun. I freaked out a little when Connor showed up. I didn't know they were on speakin terms so my eyes probably bugged out of my head when I saw him. I probably looked like a freak, well more then usual. I had to pull Sophia aside and ask her what the hell was going on. She gave me a short explanation and ran off. I was okay after that. I didn't talk to him. Didn't even look at him I don't think. I don't want the trouble he caused to ever come back so I'm trying to forget all about him. I felt really bad about leaving the party early, especially because we got there late...But Jacob had like an 11 o'clock curfew or something because last time he was at my house he missed curfew and got home a little late. I really didn't want to leave I just really didn't want Jacob to get in trouble again because his mom might freak out on him and tell him he couldn't go to the Cardinals game with us. Gladly that did not happen.
Then on Sunday he got to my house super early because my mom told me that he should be here around 10:00. The game started at 1. I have no idea why he had to be over so early but I wasn't complaining. I love spending time with him, he makes me very very happy. He didn't end up leaving untill like 8:30 either. I got to spend the entire day with him, it was very nice. When he left my mom was like "arn't you sick of him all together you've spent like 18 hours with him this weekend!!!" I just looked at her like she was crazy and laughed at her. He is really one of the people I could never get sick of. He's to silly, and cute. I told him my mom wanted to know how I wasn't sick of him and he said "LOL what? How could we be sick of eachother?!?! LOL I could spend a week with you and not even get tired of you one bit. I never get tired of you. :)" It made me smile. He's so cute. (: I'm so lucky I have him and I don't even think he knows it. I think I'm going to tell him tomorrow, if I remember that is. I always forget to tell him things when I see him, my tummy gets all weird feeling and I smile a lot and forget what I'm going to say whenever he's around. It's pretty great. Alright well I need to go make my mom go to Culpeppers cause I really want some wings and a salad. (:

Today is going to be amazing. And I hope I don't say that and then it ends up being like yesterday... I guess we'll jus have to see. I have to wait like twenty minutes for my boyfriend to get here since he lives so far away. Ity kinda sucks. Then I have to go get Hannah Banana's mail. Then I guess Jakey and I are just going to hang untill Sopies party. (: Goodness I am muy emocionado for that party. (: I get to see all my church buddies.
Wow Elsa is a whiny little butthead. I actually made her a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich thinking I was being nice. I give it to her and she looks at it and sayd "Uhm, does this have jelly on it?" And of course I said yes thinking that that wasn't a problem. She yells "EW!" and won't eat the freaking sandwhich! And my dad acts likes its my fault that I made her a sandwhich without magically knowing she doesn't like jelly this week. So my dad's like "Uhhh I'll eat her sadwhich I guess" I was like well I made you one too!! So now theres just this random sandwhich sitting on our counter no one wants to eat and some poor hungry african kid could have eaten it. Jeez we're wasteful. Well more specifically Elsa is wasteful, she doesn't eat anything that isn't McDonalds or White Castle's. It's pretty disgusting, I'm just waiting for the day that she weighs three hundred pounds. Then I can laugh at her and I probably won't feel bad. (: That's just how nice I am.
Ugh I wish my boyfriend was here I really need to go get Hannah's mail. I really wish I knew what day Hannah was getting back so I wouldn't just go get her mail that day and look like a freak stealing their mail. That wouldn't be good.
Wow I'm a freaking ten year old. I'm listening to the Jonas Brothers...I feel so uncool.
I really need to send these pictures so this special ed girls parents. I probably should have done that like two weeks ago. Alright, well I'm off to do that. (:

Ugh so tnoght was a total bust. We got to the game and then Shea's friend showed up so I was ignored a smidge. Then this huge storm blew in and we had to like run to her car because she's terrified of storms. So we drove off in a hurry, and went to my house. We freaking sat there for like fifteen minutes waiting for the storm to let up. Then we finally decided to leave because it didn't look like the storm was going to stop any time soon. I run upstairs to get my money and her mom calls her telling her that we can't go out to dinner. I was pretty freaking pissed. I didn't let her know that though because I'm a good person, and I had homework to do anyway...which I should probably be doing now instead of this...oh well. So anyway, now I'm sitting at my computer texting my boyfriend wishing my Friday hadn't sucked. Oh and did I mention she left me for a boy. I know she said sorry a lot and that she felt really bad but it still hurt. I just said we could hang out some time next week so she wouldn't feel as bad.
I wish my mom was awake so she could take me to Michaels because I need stuff for my fashion design projest...like really bad. It's due Monday and I don't even have the freaking posterboard it's supposed to be on. Ugh. Maybe I'll make Jakey take me there tomorrow. Hmmmm....I wonder if he would...No I won't make him do that. That would be mean, and I'm not a mean person.
Ewww I smell like bug spray....It's nasty. I know the bottle said that it was supposed to smell good but this kind certainly doesn't. ): It's icky. I don't mind the smell of regular bug spray but this kind is pretty gross. I think it's because they tried to make it smell good...Does that makes sense? Oh well I don't really care it makes sense to me.
Alright well I'm off to finish my homework I guess. I think I have like one design left for fashion design and then I think that's it...Oh shit no I have those questions for biology. Fuck My Life.

Blogging from my phone!

So today has been amazing. It's friday so it pretty much had to be. (: I didn't really have to do anything, and I got a tasty smoothie at lunch. I'm waiting for my friend Shea to come pick me up so we can go to her brothers baseball game. I'm excited, I've never hung out with Shea but she's pretty freaking hilarious so I think I'm going to have fun. Ugh I have to go get Hannah Banana's mail too. It's to freaking hot outside. I want winter back! Okay i lied, I really don't want winter back I just don't want it to be so freaking hot. ): And tomorrow I get to hang out with the boyfriend and go to this amzingly beautiful girl's house for her birthday party. She's my best friend and I love her very much. I think she knows that though...Do you know that??

Happy Birthday Sophia. Love you sweetheart. (:

Alright so last night my boyfriend admitted to me that he cheated on his last girl friend. That really scares. me. I know he said that it was an accident and he never meant any of it. She meant nothing to him and that he's not that type of boy. I know he isn't a bad kid and I like him a lot. I just don't know if I should keep this in the back of my mind or just not think about it at all... I trust him I really do it just scares me that he can care so little for someone he could cheat on them...I'm so confused. I guess I'm just not going to think about it...I know I won't ever forget that he did that but I'm going to trust that he won't ever do that to me...Let's just hope he doesn't. I should be working on my english homework I just really don't want to. I'm supposed to be writing an outline for a speech. Oh and yesterday was my best friends Sophia's birthday and I didn't even call her. That shows what a great freaking friend I am... Wow I fail at life. Well at least I get to go to her birthday party on Saturday. (: I'm very excited, I have no idea what I'm going to get her... Does love from a best friend count as a good present since I have no money whatsoever?? I really want to get her something good since she just turned sixteen, but since I'm a failure and don't have any money I'm not sure that's going to happen. I'm a horrible friend. Why do people love me!

Ehhh I'm in such a weird mood. I feel really horrible but I don't know why I feel horrible. Thus keeping me from feeling any better. My life has been amazing, nothing bad has happened at all. There's no reason I should feel like this. Oh well I guess I'll get over myself eventually. I hate feeling bad for myself it makes me feel so pathetic. Does anyone know someway to make me feel less whiny and pathetic? If so please please please inform me. Then again I probably will be in a much better mood tomorrow so I guess it's not really necessary... Oh well for now I'm off to be Mis Pathetic Pants. Ruining everyones good mood with a single mopey look. I'd make such a fantastic super hero...or super villan would probably be the correct term...

Oh and that boy who I liked in a couple posts ago. (: We're going out! Hurray!

Oh goodness it has been quite some time since I've been on here. (: Sophia reminded me about it the other day. Thank you very much. I can't think of anything interesting that has happened lately...I'll think of something later.

Jeez it's cold outside today! I had to sit outside at my little brother baseball game for over an hour today. It wasn't fun. But then I got steak n shake for lunch so I was much happier. I was just on myspace and I found a bunch of songs I hadn't listened to in a long time. Like Scotty Doesn't Know. I love that song. (: So I think I like this guy but I'm not sure... If I do I hope he likes me back... Well I guess that's it.

Whooo I finally remembered my blog! Yay!

Alrighty. Today was amazing.It was like 70 something degrees outside which was perfect. Then after school Mike and I walked to Qwick Trip and saw someone get arrested because he was on posseson of drugs or something. It was pretty insane. All in all a great day. And Bridget is coming over tomorrrow and we're going to have soooo much fun. I don't know what we're going to be doing but whenever I'm with Bridget I have a good time (:

Ugh my life is so boring. Nothing exciting ever happens. Nothing interesting has happened since Jessi came over and spent the night.

I can't believe my mother is denying me the right to meet an attractive male tonight! It's really depressing! Oh well I suppose I'll survive and just meet him another time. Well today was fun. I went over to Sophias house for a really long time. (: It was fun. We took crazy pictures, ate food && played with the little thing named fish. I really enjoyed it.But then my mom made me come home and eat dinner, which is wear missing the attractive male comes in. He was going over to Sopies tonight to watch a movie and I was going to stay. Then my mom decided she didn't want me too. ): Well I guess that's it.

It's to cold.

Agh Yay I'm finally on the computer again! I'm pretty excited, but I can't get my favorite song to play unfortunetly. And I'm sick. My throat hurts and I have the sniffles. It's also much to cold outside for my liking. I would prefer a nice 70 degrees. But seeing as it is still winter I suppose this weather will have to do untill April or May. My brother is going to another birthday party today I really hope he doesn't come home a throw up on the kitchen florr again. I would run away I swear. I went to visit my granparents last night. Goodness gracious are they crazy. I wanted to throw Elsa though because she is so obviously my grandpas favorite. Whih isn't fair because I was his favorite untill she came along. ): Well we had to go to my granparents house because my mom was having a spa party or something. So we weren't allowed in the house. I was suppsed to go to the mall to see my best friend Sammy play in hot topic but there were some problems in our plan so I couldn't. I haven't seen him since before Christmas so it was quite sad. Well I guess that's it.

Well I should be doing my huge spanish project that is due tomorrow but of course I choose not too. I'm so responsible. I'm currently talking to my bestie. Mr. Thomas Murphy. He's entertaining me with talk of the boy he likes. Who happens to be very handsome. (: haha. Well I guess that's it. Not much happened today and my dad scream laughing in my ear is distracting me.

Hurray for foreign exchange students (expecially from Italy)

Well last night was certainly eventful. Elsa woke up at 1:30 and she woke me up because she was coughing super loud. I thought she was throwing up so of course I freaked out. So I layed in my bed crying and rocking back in forth trying not to hear her. Then I woke up this morning and realized she didn't have the flu, she had croup and an asmtha attack. So my mom took her to the emergency room. I went to school fine, but a little tired. Then second hour we went to the auditorium so we could hear some foreign exchange students talk about their countries because it international week. The Italian boy was my favorite, but can you really blame me. The cute Italian boy in my fashion design class went back to his other host family. I'm sad. ): Oh well. I don't have any homework tonight so I'm pretty happy. And my friend Jessi might be getting her liscence on Friday. She has to work that night so we can't hang out but on Saturday she doesn't have to work untill 5 I think. So if she gets her lisence then we're going to go to lunch together. I hope my mom will actually let me go. She kind of obsesses over teenage drivers so I'm not really sure whether or not she'll let me go. But she does love Jessi so I think she might. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Alright today has been amazing. (: I had to go to church with my dad which wasn't so great. My least favorite priest was there. But that's okay. I got to go and see Jake afterwards with my dad. We went to the mills mall and hung out there for a couple hours. We just got home about half an hour ago. I'm currently watching The Mighty Bee, which I love. Oh well mom just changed it so now we're watching Max and Ruby. Blah. And mom just came home and told me Calvin doesn't feel good and will most likely throw up again which is just fucking great.

Hurray! I get to go to the mall with my friend Caleigh! I get to escape the puketastic adventure my house has become! I'm so excited.

Today was going amazingly. I might have gotten to go to the mall with my mom for awhile. Calvin was going to be gone for a while. I might go see Jake. But no, something had to ruin my chances of actually doing something fun on the weekend. Calvin, my dad, and Elsa left to go get a birthday present for one of Calvins bratty friends. While they were at Target he told me dad he wasn't feeling so great. So they went to the party to drop off the kids present, bought Calvin a soda, and came home. A few minutes after he's home he starts throwing up all over the kitchen floor. It was tremendous. I'm so terrified of vomit it's not even funny. I start screaming hysterically and crying if anyone pukes near me. So of course as soon as I realized what was happening I started screaming as loud as I possibly could, ran outside and told my dad what was happening. I of course waited a few minutes so I could be sure he was finished emptying his stomach before entering the house. My dad then realized Elsa was screaming because "I" had left her outside. I didn't even know she wasn't in the house. So I got in trouble for that. And now I'm in a terrible mood because now there is no chance of my mom taking me to the mall this weekend because her "favorite little boy" is sick. Boo Hoo. Once again the little brat ruins my plans. So this weekend should be just fucking delightful. If he throws up again I'm getting the fuck out of here. No joke. I'll go to Sophia's and stay there for a couple hours. Maybe I'm being mean and selfish but at this point I don't really care. I haven't spent time with just my mom and I in a really long time. And now I don't even know when we might now. So I can be mean to him.

I found my blog!

Wow so i totally forgot I had a blog (: Well I'm glad I found it again. Thanks you Sophia Niccum. I was reading something on her facebook and read something about her blog. It reminded me how much I liked mine for the two days that I remembered it. Well a lot has changed since I was last on here. I'm doing much better in school. Knock on wood. Mom and I are getting along better I don't know if I told you we were having some problem. I actually have gone to see Jake a couple times. Calvin and I are getting along sooooo much better. I actually haven't hit him in months. It's been great, I actually like hanging out with him now. It's insane. My dad and I are the same as we always have been. We never fight, he likes me the best so he hardly ever yells at me for anything. Alright well I guess that's it for now I'll post more later.

On ANTM the other day there was a girl name Marjorie, she was always nervous and had no self confidence whatsoever. It really made me think about how I felt about myself. I can't say that I really like myself. I don't think I'm pretty, my friends always say I am but I never believe them. I always pretend that I don't care what other people think about me but the truth is I care...a lot. It's actually what I think about most. There are these girls at my school who are so adorable and they have the cutest syles. I wish I could dress like they do. I just worry to much about what people think about me so I never can. It's really pathetic actually. I always tell myself "well Ivy today is the last time you're really going to care what other people think" but I know it's not true. I will always care. I'm just going to have to learn to care less. And worry about making myself happy and not worry about making other people happy because it's not my job. They can talk about me if they want. Sure it will hurt and I'll be really upset. But whatever I'll get over it eventually.

Ugh change my life?

I really don't know how to explain my life right now. I want to say out of control but that's not really it. If my life was out of control there would be some kind of change and something exciting perhaps. That's not the case at all though. I do the same thing every day. I get up, go to school. Pretend to like half the people. Come home. Do my homework. (maybe) I get on the computer. Dread the arrival of my little brother. Get in a screaming match with him. Get yelled at. Eat dinner. Take a shower. Go to my room to escape the hell that my life has become. And go to sleep. That's every single day. Not even on the weekends has it change for quite some time. I just wish there would be some change. Maybe my brother would be more tolerable. Maybe I won't want to hurt my brother all the time. Maybe my dad will care more about no just shutting my little sister up but actually whether or not what he's making us do is what we want. I really hate my little sister right now. Maybe my parents will stop with the whole favorites thing. I really feel like I'm the least favorite some of the time. I know that's never true. parents love you all equally. But we all know that's bullshit. No parent loves all their kids equally. I do get to spend time with my parents and I love it and when it's just us it's amazing. And then we get home and there's the favorite and it's Ivy who? again. My mom always brings little presents home for Calvin or Elsa. She's always ordering things for them, but right now there's this shirt I want and she won't get it for me. Which really pisses me off. Whatever things won't change, they never do. I'll just have suck it up and continue making people think that I'm that happy girl they met back in middle school. Fuck this.